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Category: Fiction

The night Uncle Johnny died by Martyn Winters

At fourteen years, Laurence stood head and shoulders above his peers. Tall enough for his Eric-Clapton-style bushy curls to brush against the lintel across the worn, wooden swing doors to the Bird in Hand on Bromsgrove street. He stood in the autumn drizzle for a long time, plucking up the courage to enter, knowing his father would be there, sat at the bar, drinking the tar black ale favoured by railwaymen.

On payday, the men of the tracks would pour through the corrugated tin gates at the foot of the embankment running alongside the narrow lane at the rear of the Edwardian terraces of Clive Street, in a grey-faced snake of weary bodies, wrapped in sweat stained, stone-blackened overalls, knotted scarves, and Dai-caps. As one, they would make their way to the Bird in Hand, drawn not by its reputation as the best pub in Grangetown, but by its proximity to their work gates.

Where there’s muck. By Martyn Winters

A free short story for you to read.

It has been said by wiser people than me there is nothing sadder than an old dog wearing young clothes. That may be true, but how many of them have met a sapient alien plant and solved global warming because of a pair of tight Levis? None right?

It happened early one evening as I was getting ready for a night of beer and voddy shots at McBangs, the second-best night spot in Agadir. The best club is Fountaine’s, but you must be under forty-five to get in, or filthy rich, and I was quack-quack-oops on both those counts.

Anyway, I’d just pulled on my kecks and I heard a snigger coming from near the balcony curtains, which I’d thrown wide to let the sea air waft in because it gave me that heady, by-the-sea ambience which brought me to Agadir. In fact, I’d chosen my hotel, the Biltong Founty, because of its proximity to the ocean. That, and the stellar Trip Advisor reviews, one of which describes the Founty as, “A remarkable hotel with a handcrafted entrance fountain evoking the Portuguese origin of the name, and lobby floors in the Amazigh style, representing the commitment to cultural authenticity.”

Detective Inspector Camden Ironbell of the Gnome Office

I’m studying Science Fiction and Fantasy at Cardiff University. This week we were invited to write a short piece, or opening chapter to a longer piece in the style of another writer. I chose to use characters Tom Holt might employ and set it in the world created by Susanna Clarke in her wonderful novel, “Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell”. It is set about half a century after the events of Clarke’s novel in 1870. England is still at war with France and the denizens of the netherworld have returned to London.

Detective Inspector Camden Ironbell of the Gnome Office

By Martyn Winters

In the normal course of events in 1870, a person of gentle upbringing would not expect to cross paths with a member of His Majesty’s Constabulary while they are conducting an investigation. As rare as such a circumstance might be, it pales somewhat vividly compared to the chances of meeting a constable, or an officer, whose countenance is not that of a solid, square jawed son of London’s East End, but the enlarged nose and unwieldy ears of a gnome. Yet such was the occasion on that strange night of August the 8th when Captain Johannes Millwright emerged from his club on the Mall. Still robed in his dress reds despite receiving his discharge papers that very evening, Millwright cut a fashionable figure as he strode nonchalantly down the steps to pavement level, only to be greeted by shouts of “Stop thief,” as two diminutive figures chased a ragged beggar of a man across the road.

Post-apocalyptic Glamping by Martyn R Winters

A tent and a glam chandelier with a comfy sofa set in an apocalyptic scene

“Hey groovlings,” Dad said. He was fond of ancient idiomatic terms. I found it cringeable.

He was sat in the front offside seat of our Nisbang Misogynist, which is one of those excessively large vehicles beloved of trades, especially the hyper-masculine ones like Kitchen Cinching. Dad was one of those, you could tell by the big yellow toolbelt he always wore. I’m a librarian-spandicle. Don’t ask, just don’t visit a library in spandex. He says its chick-work, which is okay because I haven’t decided on my gender yet. Maybe I won’t, just to confuse him. He laughs like it’s the funniest joke, which irritates me more than it should. He’s about as funny as a full nappy.

New short story: This guest of summer.

I was just six years old when I discovered my fondness for evisceration. I was sitting in the garden of a gamekeeper’s lodge on the grounds of Blackstone Manor my father rented for the summer: an old cottage with overgrown ivy covering much of its fascia. A floral arch rose over the front door porch, which itself was a paean to a glory long lost to antiquity: large, solid heavy wood, probably oak, with brass furniture, and gloss black paint.